DELETED SCENE FROM PART 3 of
"IRIS WILDTHYME AND THE KEY LIME PIE 2 TIME"
"THE STONES OF BLOOD".
by Cody Schell
Iris, Seņor 105 and Panda had just climbed back aboard the bus after finding the 3rd piece of the Celestial gateau, which this time took the form of slices of a key lime pie. The three of them had just narrow escaped vampiric versions of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. (Honestly, they looked somewhat more life-like than the real Rolling Stones these days.)
"I knew there was a reason they hated citrus!" Panda threw himself onto the chaise, almost knocking over the Ormolu clock. The Ormolu clock that was already broken from having been knocked over multiple times. Plus it had melted numbers. He didn't understand why Iris kept half the junk she did. "That's half of the dratted Celestial thingee done then!" Today of all days he didn't want to spend it running around helping Iris on a mission for someone else.
"It was bad enough trying to find the pieces the first time 'round, now they've sent me off to do it again in a much delayed sequel!" Iris put her hand on 105's bicep. The luchador was holding on to one of the "oh-shit" straps that hung from a metal pole that ran the length of the bus. "At least the first piece was disguised as a sculpture in your mysterious colonial-style house, Seņor. It gave me a chance to visit you again, lovey. And for you to come traveling with me on the bus!"
"I'm happy to see you again as well, Seņora."
"I thought you were... or is that a gun in your pocket?" giggled Iris.
105 nervously brushed some imaginary dust from various areas of his maroon suit and tie, and readjusted his fedora. "You know I never carry a gun." He smirked and pulled her closer.
"DISGUSTING!" Panda bellowed, pretending to be reading an art magazine. Then covering for his outburst: "They call that minimalism? PAH!" he threw it down. "I'm going upstairs, I need to do some meditation."
Iris and 105 waited until they knew Panda was upstairs and quickly got down to business. "Right chuck, we've got to make this fast.. and make sure he doesn't hear us!!"
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Panda pretended he couldn't hear the scuffling and banging downstairs and Iris shushing 105 theatrically, followed by the occasional giggle. He was about to play "Some Velvet Morning" at top volume when he heard Iris and 105 come stumbling up the stairs.
"This bus is crowded enough, why don't you two go get a room somewhere, you selfish..."
Iris and 105 stood together at the top of the stairs holding a lovingly-frosted Bamboo Upside-down Cake with the words "Happy Birthday Panda" on it. Iris had jammed various tacky brooches onto the cake's surface as improvised decoration.
"... selfish..." Panda was at a loss for words.
"Happy Birthday Lovey!! Did we surprise you?"
105 scratched Panda's ears. "Feliz Cumpleaņos, Osito!"
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Soon everyone had huge mouthfuls of cake and frosting. They were all hungry after being chased by a wraith-like Ron Wood. "...It turns out he was just after me bottle of gin, the old boozehound! He could have cared less about the Celestial gateau slice!"
"Speaking of slices, Seņora, aren't you going to eat yours?" 105 pointed at the piece of cake he'd cut for her, wiping green frosting off his purple leather mask. Under his fedora, Iris could just barely read the large "40" on his "Zirconium" mask. He'd flipped his tie back over his shoulder so he wouldn't get any stains on it.
"Thanks love, but I have to finish this one first." Her eyes were shut in delight, savoring the dessert.
Panda set down his fork gingerly. "But Iris... only three slices have been cut. If we each have a slice, and there's another on the table...."
Iris' jaw froze in place. Her eyes snapped open, glowing a terrible, searing orange. "Oh bugger."
-The end-
Happy 40th Birthdays to Stuart (Oct 31) & Paul (Nov 12)!!
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